This is only a test...

Had this been a REAL SARS emergency, you signal you just heard would have been followed by:

1. a round of loud, dry coughing


2. your temperature being taken by
   • a completely unqualified young boy or girl wearing a surgical mask and a department store uniform
   • an infrared videocamera named "Hal"
   
   
3. a quarantine patrol advising you to stay in your house and checking up on you every few hours by telephone

Please stay advised of more precautions to come...

Sincerely,
The Staff... (just call me Dick)